It was poker night at Pasquini's. We weren't sure if we'd have enough people, so I decided to invite Kenn. He's fun and spontaneous. I figured he'd be up for it.
Sure enough he came to the restaurant, and immediately he started talking shit about everyone.
Me: "That's Stacy, and that's her fiance Mike..." Kenn: "He sure looks like marriage material." Me: "What the fuck do you mean by that?"
He went on to accuse Lindsey of being rude because she supposedly didn't say hello when he opened the door for her. (her exact words were "thank you", actually) He then asked me if I was still seeing "that pussy little fucking faggot Dru."
I have never known Kenn to be in such a foul mood, but I know he is quite the satirist so I thought maybe this was just some type of sarcasm I wasn't getting. Still, it was bothering me quite a bit so I asked him to please either let me in on the joke or knock it off. He said he was sorry and would lighten up.
He had told me previously he did not know how to play Hold'em, but he knew how to play poker in general. It's not hard to pick up if you know the values of the hands and all the basics, and it's not like any of us are professionals or anything, so everyone was totally cool with the fact that he was learning and was really friendly and helpful. Kenn, on the other hand, was not friendly at all and was not acting like himself. He was being obnoxious and bolligerent, and at times just flat-out rude. He said a few things that only I heard, sort of passive-aggressively suggesting he was above all of us because we were restaurant workers. He's never taken that position before, and in fact has always been very much against any form of judgment, with a very "be true to yourself" outlook on life. He's also usually so quiet you need to poke him to make sure he's still alive. It was bothering me a lot more than it was bothering the other people at the table at first, just because I know him well enough to know how bizarre his behavior was. It was as if he was possessed by an alien entity. His mannerisms were even different. It was one of the strangest things I've ever seen. I asked him several times if he was tripping or if he was on coke or mollie or God knows what. He said he wasn't, but who knows?
Even after I started thinking something was really wrong, Lindsey and Robyn were still giving him the benefit of the doubt, thinking that maybe he was just socially awkward in a large group of strangers. I hoped they were right, even though I've been to parties with him, including one at Pasquini's, where he didn't know anyone and was totally friendly and polite. Along with everyone else, I just tried to have a good time and hoped he wouldn't do anything beyond the level of rudeness he'd already demonstrated. I also really hoped he'd go all in, lose and go home.
It was Jhon to finally say something to him. Kenn had muttered under his breath that we could all go fuck ourselves, so Jhon told him to get the fuck out. Kenn said he was happy to cash out his chips and go home. For a minute I thought they were going to fight, yet somehow Kenn managed to apologize effectively enough that he made peace with Jhon and things seemed ok for a minute. Of course they weren't ok and Kenn's fucked up behavior continued, but he was nearly out so I just waited it out and soon enough he lost his chips. I don't know why he couldn't take a hint, nor why he would want to stay somewhere where he was clearly not wanted, but afterwards he went to the bar instead of leaving. I kept a close eye on the situation from the table and it seemed he and Stacy were just making chit-chat. The game was drawing to a close anyway so I did my best to enjoy myself while still watching him out of the corner of my eye, until finally Leo put both Jhon and I all in and won.
When I went to the bar, Kenn was as hostile as ever, and I told him I did not appreciate him coming to where I work and being rude and judgmental to people who were nothing but nice to him, and who are also people I happen to care about. He got within millimeters of my face and said to me:
"Whatever. You're just a small, small person. That's right, small, and FAT."
At that point I had finally had enough and told him with some serious volume to get the fuck out. Jhon jumped in the second he heard me and assisted Kenn out the door. After the self-restraint he had shown all night, I think he was thrilled at the opportunity to get up in Kenn's face and probably would have liked to beat the crap out of him, which I would just as much have liked to see. Once the door was locked Kenn punched it, and then kicked or punched (I heard but didn't see) one of the lamps out front on our brand new patio. Jhon chased him out and they got into a confrontation that I didn't see, and when he returned he told me Kenn had broken the light bulb. He was going to call the cops but opted not to, stating that it was just 50 cent light bulb. Had I known at the time that he had broken the entire lamp and not just the bulb, I would have called the cops myself.
I have no idea what inspired him to behave that way, nor do I care to. It's always a shame to throw away a friendship, but sometimes a situation is one strike you're out. I'm very appreciative of the understanding of my managers and co-workers, and their position that I do not have to apologize for someone else's behavior, but I still can't help but feel responsible. I guess I shouldn't in the sense that I had no way of knowing he would act that way, but I do in the sense that regardless, he was my guest. As much as I hate the thought of ever communicating with him again, I did send him a message when I learned about the lamp stating that if he does not call the restaurant and arrange to pay for it by Monday, I will press charges. It's not an empty threat. Someone has to pay for the damage he did, and it's not going to be Pasquini's. I know Justin told me not to worry about it, but I'm not going to let a small, independently owned restaurant eat that cost. If I were still at Olive Garden it would be different... I would feel bad but know they could afford it. No, when I get my student loans later this month I will pay for it myself, and I will see to it that Kenn gets charged with destruction of property and I get paid back.
Things aren't going so well with work. After an incredibly fucked up New Years Eve I ended up at Dru's house without my car. I'll skip the tale that led up to that. I was scheduled to work at 11:00, and at 8:30, still buzzed after an hour or so of sleep, I was going to catch the bus back. I missed it though, leaving me with taking a cab as my only remaining option. Seeing as I was about a $40 cab ride away, I opted to text everyone and see if anyone could work for me. The problem is I accidentally texted "Can someone please work for me tomorrow morning?" instead of asking if they could work this morning. Lindsay, one of my co-workers and also the GM's girlfriend, texted back and said yes. I saw no reason to call the restaurant seeing as she sleeps in the same bed as the manager, so talking to her is as good as talking to him.
Big mistake.
I got a text at around 1:00 from one of the hosts asking where I was. It was then that I discovered Lindsay had not shown up. I talked to Justin, the manager, who was drowning in the mess I left him being down a server and he was not happy. He told me not to bother showing up Sunday and that after my vacation he would think about putting me back on the schedule. Lindsay had not said anything to him of course, thinking it was Saturday morning she was working, so I assume he thought I was just bold-faced lying to him. I called her to find out what the fuck was up and at first we both thought she had made the mistake until we checked text logs and realized I did in fact say "tomorrow." He called her right after apparently and got the whole story. The reason he was so pissed off though was not that we had a miscommunication, but because I didn't call the restaurant. Obviously, had I called and talked to him he would have told me Lindsay was not working and I could have rushed back. I feel really bad because on the one hand it's a shitty situation that was entirely accidental, but on the other hand if I were the manager I'd be livid too.
I called back a bit later once the restaurant wasn't so busy and asked if I could come in and talk to him. He reluctantly agreed, and after a fairly long conversation he agreed not to fire me, but I'm going to be knocked down to two shifts a week for the next couple of weeks. It's going to be pretty hard to make it on that, but it's better than having no job. I told him about all I could, which is that I was sorry and I would work hard to earn my shifts back. At least I have student loan money coming in at the end of February. It's not a whole lot but it will help get me through this probationary period. At this point I just feel lucky to still have a job. I just signed a lease on an apartment much more expensive than where I'm living now, and I'd be completely fucked if I got fired. Not to mention once I start school it's going to be damn near impossible to find a job without open availability. Two shifts a week sucks, no doubt about it, but I guess I deserve it so I'll try to make the best of it and work my ass off the little bit of time I am working.
Matt is in New Zealand with that girl. Andrea is her name. He never took me out of the country. Then again, I'm assuming his family didn't brainwash him into thinking he shouldn't be with her. It's so sad to watch someone's thoughts become someone else's thoughts and be unable to make them see it. Maybe that's the reason I still miss him so much. Because I saw him struggling against happiness vs. conformity. Because I know how much he loved me, and how badly he wanted to stay with me. Because I saw his heart break when he told his parents excitedly that he was moving to Denver and they weren't excited for him like he'd hoped. Because I watched that sadness turn into anger, and that anger turn into a realization that the choice he had was a lifetime of feeling like he'd let his family down or to give up the woman he loved. A position they never should have put him in, and a position he never really saw for what it was. He didn't want to be angry at his family. He never had been before, and since the first time he ever really butted heads with them was related to me, it was easier to believe that I must be the cause of it. It was easier to believe that someone he'd only known a year and a half was poisoning him than that his family that's supposed to provide love and guidance was. I don't doubt they only wanted what was best for him, but they didn't understand that he was happy, which is all anyone ever wants out of life. They wanted him to find happiness along a path they saw fit, and living with me was not along that path. Who knows? Maybe he is happy with this new girl. It's just a shame he had to give up happiness, thus risking a life without it, in order to find new happiness that fits inside the box. I know nothing about her, but I have no doubt she has a degree. Both parents. A well-paying job. He came to a crossroads. He fought an inner battle. He lost. He settled. He has no idea. His memory has been wiped out. He loves his job. He loves his white picket fence. Everything is all right, the struggle is finished. He has won the victory over himself. He loves Big Brother.
This is a picture of me with the last person to pick up my heart, say "Oooh, squishy!" and proceed to stomp the living hell out of it. More on that later, along with the apology email that followed. Anyway, this is us at the bay in Bellingham, WA. It hurts like hell to see us looking so fucking happy.
I've learned enough lessons the hard way, for fuck's sake. I'm ready to learn something the easy way, or better yet even, benefit from something I've learned.
The list of people I care about but shouldn't is absurd. I had another dream about Matt coming back to me and woke up in tears. I called him today, assuming his phone would be off, just to listen to his voicemail message. This is a person who cheated on me, manipulated me and let his parents brainwash him into throwing our relationship away. Geoff returned my knife today, leaving it on the porch because he's too much of a coward to look me in the eye. He wanted to make up, but he wanted to do it on his terms being a prick, so I told him to fuck off. Still, I miss him and all I can think about is how much I enjoyed every second I spent with him. He stole from me and lied to me about everything. (If I had smoked weed at 5am I think I would have been stoned when I woke up 2 hours later) I talked to Chris today like everything was peachy. Chris treated me like a whore while I was in Seattle. In fact, he probably would have treated a whore better.
I have this disease where I can't stop caring about a person. Once those feelings are there I'm stuck with them forever. I'd like to look into getting a lobotomy.
I want to know what people, particularly cat people think about this:
I'm currently living in a very spacious house with 2 roommates and 1 cat in addition to my own. My cat, No-Face, is allowed to go outside and has been for the past 6 months or so. He was an indoor cat before that but always wanted to sneak out so I finally just let him. He seems happy here with all the space and the outdoor access, plus he loves being around other cats, so much so that when he doesn't have feline companionship he gets depressed.
My soon to be new apartment, pictured here http://www.postlets.com/rts/3129515, is a very small 1 bedroom. It is on the 4th floor so there is no way for No-Face to get outside. I picked out an apartment in a hurry because I'm going out of town for a bit next month and will come back to a really full schedule, so I don't want to have to bother with apartment hunting on top of it all. I'm just worried that going from a fraction of the square footage he has now and not being able to go outside will make No-Face really unhappy. I should probably at least get him another cat to play with, but 2 cats in such a small space doesn't seem very nice either. This apartment is in an ideal location for work and school and other than the cat situation it's perfect. I don't doubt I could find an apartment in my price range with the amenities I want in the location I want with a front door that goes outside, but it wouldn't be easy and would take a lot of time and effort. I thought about staying here or finding another roommate situation, but after the way things have gone at this house I really don't want to live with anyone right now.
Am I being too selfish? Should I call up the new place and tell them to shred my deposit check? Is there any way to get a cat accustomed to such a big change? I was thinking about taking him outside on a leash or something, because I can't possibly let him roam free when the building is secure and there's no way for him to get back to the 4th floor. Also, would getting him another cat be a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know what I'll do if I move in and he hates it. The lease is for a year. I could probably still get out of it if I talked to the landlord now, but I like the place and even more I like having the decision over and done with. Please give me some advice! Thanks.
Maybe because I don't care anymore. Or maybe because I care too much. Maybe because I'm losing it, and the last of my patience is gone. My fault? Some would say so. I handed it to you on a silver platter, after all. Because I trusted you. Because I had faith. Because I didn't believe what other people said. Because for some reason you meant something to me. More than something. I thought everyone was wrong about you. I thought you had the potential you claimed to want. To be more than some drug addicted petty thief with no future. Well FUCK ME. Fuck my naivete. Fuck every tear I've shed not because of what you took from me, but because of what you took from yourself.
Fuck the laugh you'll have when you'll read this.
WHY THE FUCKING LIES? WHY? YOU DIDN'T NEED TO LIE. YOU HAD ME. YOU FUCKING HAD ME. AND YOU COULD HAVE HAD ME AGAIN. AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN.
Obession. Compulsion. Impulsion.
Your loss. And I'm sure you think this is about material things.
Fuck my uncertainty.
Sure I shouldn't give you the satisfaction of knowing you hurt me, but who the fuck cares? Life isn't a contest. And what does it solve anyway? You think I'm ridiculous, I'm sure. That I should have woken up and not noticed. That if I did, so what, and if I didn't, great. That it's all part of life and I should have been more careful. That I shouldn't have trusted someone who would look me in the eye all night and tell me I was beautiful. Sweet. Kind.
I can't decide if I'd rather run you over with my car or stab you to death.
Or come to your aid if you needed me. Or look into your pale blue eyes and believe you again, because nothing can compare to the way it feels to believe you.
Maybe you should kill me instead.
"I thought you were in jail when I didn't hear from you." "I'm sorry I made you worry." "I would have bailed you out, you know." "What?" "I was going to call around tomorrow. I know you're not the best at staying out of trouble. I was going to see if you were in jail and if you were, bail you out." "You'd do that?" "Of course I would." "I don't think anyone would do that for me. That might be the sweetest thing I've ever heard. You're realy not just saying that?" "No, I'm not. I really care about you." "I know I haven't known you that long, but I don't have a lot of friends in Denver. I really just have my brother and you, and I really feel like I can trust you. You don't know how much that means to me."
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!
Enfatuation is your weapon.
But... But...
You were already in my bed. We had already finished for fuck's sake. And all night! How much I meant to you. What a great fucking person I was. How beautiful. How sincere. All night. Before. During. After. In my dreams.
I want to think I threw out my safe key in my sleep, and my money, and your phone has been disconnected. That I'm crazy. That I imagined all this. Because my weak little brain can't comprehend that you planned this all along.
Or did you? Did you mean every word and then you woke up and acted on a whim? Or are you so sick that it was funny to you to make me hang on your every word?
If you just wanted sex, my God. The second I saw you again I needed you like I need air. You knew that. You could have said anything, or nothing at all. Your breath felt so good on the back of my neck when you first put your arms around me.
I want this to all be a bad dream. I want you to pass out on train tracks and get crushed. I want to fuck you again, in a parallel universe. I want to break your legs and laugh at your screams. I want to seduce you and then take back what's mine, including my heart. I want you to go to prison. I want to rescue you from the depths of Hell. I want to burn your apartment to the ground. I want to smell your soft hair again. I want to forget you...
Go ahead and burn your bridges. You're better off alone.
If anyone hasn't forgotten me or given up on me yet, please accept my apology for crawling into a depressive hole and shutting out everyone who gives a shit in favor of booze, sleep and a dysfunctional relationship. I'm going to go crawl back into my hole now but I wanted to pop up and say hello, in the hopes that my indifference toward everyone and everything has not yet burned any bridges. Good night.
I had a dream the other night that it was 2010, and the dream stuck so long throughout the day that I almost threw away a box of pasta because the expiration date was 10/09, and I thought "I don't know if pasta can expire, but a year is a long time." I also saw a car in front of me with 05/10 tags on their car and thought "They'd better hurry up and get to the DMV before they get a ticket." I said so to Dru, which is how I finally realized I was ahead a year. It was pretty shocking and it took me a minute to believe him. I then made the pasta, which was in reality only expired a month. It was delicious.
Came across your profile browsing person to person because I'm bored. I guess I might as well tell you you're really fucking sexy and I spent a good amount of time fantasizing about you, since I would never have the guts to say that to your face. (not that you couldn't tell I'm sure... I am terrible at subtlety so I don't try)
Ah, thank you internet for giving me a cowardly medium with which to express myself.
I never did post June. Got on a roll there and then fell off. I'm having a mental block on June because it's more of a lead-in to all the chaos in July than anything. Meanwhile, August has come and gone for the most part. I want to get caught up fully so I can just post about my day or week as usual. I'll get to it eventually. Working a lot. (assuming I can actually keep this job) I'll get to that too.
"Drop weapons" are guns that troops carry around in case they kill an innocent person, so they can plant one on the body and write them off as an insurgent, thus relieving themselves of any responsibility.
Taking a break from the monthly updates, check out these 9/11 products I made. (with A LOT of help from Jenn)
The best part is 50% of the proceeds from sales of these products will be donated to nyccan.org, ae911truth.org and other truth organizations that desperately need funding.
I don't write anymore. I'm not sure why. I still read my freinds' entries, but not as often as I should. I don't want to drop of everyone's friends lists so I'd better get to writing again. Honestly, I don't know why I don't seeing as writing always makes me feel better. I guess I've just been... Busy? Depressed? Preoccupied?
Well anyway, I am going to get back to writing and get everyone all caught up on my life. I don't think there's any way this can be done in one post without taking up an entire day, so I'm going to make a series of posts, one for each month I've been basically MIA in the blogosphere. First catch-up post coming soon.
I know, I know. A survey isn't a real update at all. I just wanted to post something so you all don't start thinking my journal is inactive. I'll make a real update later. Anyway, this is a pretty good survey. I posted it on myspace originally, hence the myspace references. Stole it from an old friend named Jennie.
How many people do you know with your name? None. I'm just that awesome.
Do you ever turn your cell phone off? Rarely. I mostly go on silent mode when I'm asleep.
What do you want in your life right now? Income.
What do you smell like? Deodorant that STILL smells like fucking flowers even though it's marked "unscented."
What's your favorite Gatorade flavor? The blue one.
What's the last text in your inbox say? "Sure.."
Do you sleep in jeans? Of course I do. I also sleep in a large overcoat and a top hat, survey.
What do you currently hear right now? Weed cough and the Wii.
What do you think your best friend's doing right now? Depends who I label "best." They're probably all asleep anyway.
How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? Hard to say. When I was a teenager I thought 22 or 23 would be a good age because it seemed like some magical maturity was going to hit at that time. Now, at 25, the thought of it still scares me to death. I want them someday, just not now.
Would you rather watch football or baseball? If I had to choose, I'd slit my wrists and bleed out in the bathroom. Neither sport appeals to me. <----- (haha totally sticking with Jennie's answer. I was going to say something just like this!!!)
Do you feel like dancing? No, and you don't feel like watching me dance. Trust me.
Three feelings at the moment? Boredom. Stress. Need to pee.
When you're in a bad mood, who puts you in a better mood? It is near impossible to stay in a bad mood around Keith, so I'll give this one to him.
Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet? Not in a literal sense but only because that's impossible. I'd be ok with said persons being ejected into space though.
WHEN WAS: The last time you really laughed? A few minutes ago when I made a Freudian slip and Dru and I noticed at the same time.
Would you ever try being a vegetarian? No, but I'd eat one if prepared to my taste.
Did anyone call you babe yesterday? Indeed.
Did you ever slam a door on someone? *pout* Nooo! I'd never do that! I can't believe you think I'd do that! *SLAM!*
Is there anyone you know that deserves to get slapped? So many that if I had to slap one per second I'd be busy for the rest of my life.
What's something you really want right now? To be thin.
How do you feel bout your hair right now? It needs to be longer but it's coming around. And "about" is not "bout" unless you want to put in an apostrophe and say "'bout" but why are we talking all super-fly? It's just a survey.
Is it easy to make you cry? I go through phases on that one. Right now it's yes, moving slowly toward no.
Have you kissed more than 10 people this year? I have no idea. I'd say probably so.
What's the first thing you do when waking up in the morning? Put on my robe and go pee.
Do you prefer a shower or bath? Shower for cleaning purposes, bath for hangovers that are so bad standing is not an option.
How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Oh Jesus. Probably 5-10. I'm super OCD about it. I usually brush them every time I wake up in the middle of the night and after smoking a cigarette, drinking coffee, eating garlic, etc. I know, it's ridiculous.
What would you do with a 10 bill you found on the ground? Run around Colfax asking if anyone lost $10. Or not.
Have you said "I love you" today? Many times.
What's one thing you actually remember about kindergarten? Mrs. Johnson.
Do you prefer the tanning bed or the sun? I like to hide from the sun under layers of sunblock and keep my nice glowing white color.
Is chocolate really better than sex? Good chocolate (no cheap shit) is better than BAD sex, but not good sex. <----- (again keeping Jennie's answer) To add to it though, have you ever tried that stuff that comes on chocolate fountains at fancy events? Holy shit. I'd take that over almost any one of my awkward high school experiences.
What's 2 of your favorite movies? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Crying Game.
What's the last thing you think about before going to sleep at night? Usually some stressful thing I have to do the next day.
How many rumors have you heard about yourself Plenty. Have you heard the one where I stay up too late watching Dru play Wii tennis out of the corner of my eye while I fill out really long myspace surveys? I hear the person who started that one has three nipples and shits their pants.
Which one did you find to be the funniest? The one where I still live in Seattle. C'mon, folks. Get with the times.
What's a nickname you go by? None really, although Jen has been known to call me "Ady" or "Ad."
How do you calm down when your extremely angry? Put apostrophes where they belong. (when YOU'RE extremely angry) I also enjoy cuddling.
Do you prefer to work hard or hardly work? Somewhere in between. I like to keep busy but I don't like pulled muscles and things of that nature.
What are 3 places you want to see in the world? New Zealand, the Bahamas and inside Christian Bale's pants.
A movie or a long walk in the park on the first date? Long walk. How are you supposed to get to know someone when you're in a place where you can't talk?
What are 3 of the first things you notice about the opposite sex? Are they tall? Thin? Any facial hair? Yes yes no? Ok, we can continue.
Do long distance relationships actually work out? No. If you can't make eye contact when you talk to someone or have makeup sex, things get real impersonal real fast.
Which would you prefer...be rich and miserable, or poor and extremely happy? I don't think anyone would take the first. Isn't happiness all anyone wants out of life? If I had a guarantee like that how sweet would that be? "Just keep losing those jobs and you'll always have a high seratonin level." I'd live in a box for fuck's sake.
What's one of your favorite TV shows? The Whitest Kids U Know.
Does your life revolve around drama? I think drama revolves around my life.
What did you want to be when you "grow up"? A singer. Does karaoke count?
Would you ever date someone covered in tats and piercings? FUCK NO. <----- (Thank you Jennie. Agreed. The human body is a work of art on its own. If you want to make more art there is canvas for that)
What's your favorite perfume or cologne for the opposite sex? I just like the smell of manliness. If cologne must be worn, I didn't mind Curve when Thom wore that. That's the only one I remember by name. But yeah... deodorant and shampoo are more than enough. I like men to smell like men, not the Botanical Gardens.
Do you believe the first kiss tells you everything you need to know about the relationship? No, but it can tell a lot. If you have a good first kiss it's a good sign that you're compatible. A bad first kiss can easily be remedied. I read much more into good first kisses than bad ones.
Where do your hands go when kissing someone? Hair/face.
Do you know who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Probably Amy Winehouse.
How many showers do you take in one day? 0-1.
Would you want a house at the beach or in the mountains? If I were rich enough for one I don't see why I couldn't afford the other too. But, according to a previous question this overindulgent lifestyle would make me miserable, so I'd have to give the houses both to charity and live in a box in order to keep my seratonin levels up.
Which would you rather have...a huge walk in shower or a jacuzzi bath tub? Jacuzzi!
What are 2 of your favorite colors? Deep red and purple. But not together.
Do you look up or at your feet when you walk? Depends where I'm walking.
What's your favorite ice cream? I like the cheesecake or birthday cake ice cream creations from Cold Stone.
Do you like Starbucks...or are they just overpriced? They are overpriced and shitty. You have to order a double shot just to make your coffee taste remotely like coffee.
Are you a prep or a jeans-and-t-shirt type of person? Oh my, those are the only two choices? What have I been doing all my life! *shoots self*
What color are your eyes? They change. Usually a greyish color.
Do you have glasses or contacts? Glasses.
What color are your bedroom walls? White.
Do you ever actually make your bed? Sometimes. Haven't in a few days.
How many pillows do you have to sleep with? I prefer to sleep with at least 2 pillows and one man.
Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone? See previous question.
What is one of your pet peeves? The spelling/punctuation in most of this survey.
What could you tolerate...someone who snores or a sleep walker? I'd much rather deal with a sleep walker. Snoring keeps me awake. Anyway, sleep walking would give me an excuse to tie my partner up.
What's the craziest thing you've ever done? A little bit of destruction of property and theft. It's all good though.. I came clean a long time ago. (yeah sorry about that again)
Would you rather sky dive or bungee jump? Bungee jump. I like being attached to something. It makes me feel safer. I plan to bungee jump at the Royal Gorge this year in September or October when they have a week where you can do it. I did have my first ever bad bungee dream last night though so maybe I'll give it a second thought.
Do you have to have some kind of noise to fall asleep? Dear God no. I sleep with earplugs and a mask. I'd go into a cocoon if I could.
What time is it right now? This question is too depressing to answer.
What's your zodiac sign? Taurus.
How long does it usually take you to get dressed? Just a few minutes and then a few more for makeup.
Do you prefer to call or text someone? dear lord, call. if you have the fucking phone in your hand, for fuck's sake use it to make the call lol. <----- (We have a lot in common, Jennie. I mean seriously... texting comes in handy in loud places or work where calling is not possible but what is the point of one person sitting on the couch texting another person who is sitting on the couch to ask what they're up to?)
Who is your celebrity heart-throb? Christian Bale.
Would you have survived 100 years ago? Nah. I got strep like every 5 minutes when I was a kid.
What do you think the world will be like in 30 years? Impersonal, alienated and depressed. Everyone will be on medication, no one will remember what it was like to make plans and keep them and the kids will do more online dating and texting than actual dating. Parents will become so paranoid that children will never walk to school and rarely play outside. Men will sue each other rather than fight each other in almost any case. All our animal instincts will slowly disappear as we domesticate ourselves and become useless, fat hogs.
Do you prefer dogs or cats? Cats. They don't eat their own shit and then lick my face.
When no one is home...do you actually walk around naked? Not here. Too many roommates in and out all the time.
Have you ever seen a ghost? Not that I'm aware of, except for maybe in a picture. (EricInKent knows what I'm talking about)
What's the best movie you've seen recently? Jesus Camp. Painful to watch but a must-see.
Do you prefer scary movies or comedies? Usually comedies. I don't like graphic violence unless it's really funny and fake-looking.
Are you a bashful or outgoing person? ENFP. 'Nuff said. (except when I meet parents and am scared shitless so I just sit there silently and smile)
What was one thing you were given as a child and still have? An origami instruction book.
Do you have a favorite shirt or pair of jeans you wear over and over? I only have a few that fit my fat ass these days, particularly my big black skirt and the khakis I'm wearing now.
Would you actually relocate for the one you can't live without? Absofuckinglutely.
How many texts do you send on average a month? It was under a thousand but due to my new phone that isn't a pain in the ass to text on I upgraded to unlimited.
Have you ever talked to a psychic? Not a real one I don't think.
How many kids do you want? 2 is the number that comes to mind, although as I said before these things are hard to predict.
Have you ever actually snuck out of your house? When I was a teenager.
Ever been taken to jail? Yeah. Never for more than a day though unless you include juvie.
Have you ever had a pen pal? Not since I was little.
What are you about to do now that this survey is over? Hope to God myspace doesn't fuck up and erase the whole damn thing.
Job. No job. Shit job. Same job, different place. No job. Diner job. Current.
Heartbreak. FUCK YOU ALL. Sex. Sex. Sex. Loneliness. Sex. Love. Open. Confusion. Guilt. Satisfaction. War.
Broken painting. Slight concussion. New roommates. Fuck Kayla. Love him. Miss him. Disappointed in him. Maybe I should sing a HYMN? Haha.
Benzodiazegrog.
Ripped pants. Not-so-ripped abs. Growing hair. Comfortable but defensive. I don't give a FUCK what kind of wine you drink. Hence I bring you pancakes and coffee. This we agree on.
I like you. All of you. (most of you)
Fo shism my jism.
Bruises. Memories. Strange events. I should have known he wouldn't behave himself.
Looking back on all of it I think of all the pain he caused, all the lies he told and the manipulation and I don't really care how much it hurt him to find out about... us? Not us. That's the wrong word. What could have been, and might have been, and was for a glorious week. If I could stay I would have for him though. Remember, him in bold? Good, you're paying attention. After all the times he made me cry his feelings really shouldn't matter. They don't in the sense he wants them too, like granting unreasonable requests for zero personal gain. But they matter, somehow, somewhere. It's ok, I'm just a better person than he is. However, this is starting to have structure so I digress.
Bad comedy. Expensive burgers. Amazing music. Sunset. Hot tub. Soft bed. The biggest tomato I have ever seen.
pissed off
stressed
sad
crazy
amused
silly